


Hiding in the Silence

by Chamomile



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 02:23:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15962651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chamomile/pseuds/Chamomile
Summary: From past experiences…love wasn’t something that seemed to last very long. There was a chance this one wouldn’t, either. Yet odd as this romance may have been, this was the first time the Admiral feared for its safety, wished it would last the rest of her lifetime.





	Hiding in the Silence

Their hands were clasped tightly as they ran like children through the Twelveswood, their breaths uneven and drowned out in the surrounding nature. The Padjal looked back to the Admiral, whom she guided, a loving yet sly grin growing on her lips. No one would find them here, they knew—only Kan-E would dare go to such a holy place, nestled within the corners of the wood. 

The flowers were painted in dappled sunlight despite the foliage as they reached their destination, trees surrounding the grove of green and white and yellow and red. They caught their breath as they reached the flowers, their hands separating as Kan-E fell into the petals, fearing little of the ground below. She knew it better than herself, some days, taking in its simplicity and its warmth. 

Merlwyb sat gingerly next to her companion, her lungs still burning with the crisp air of early evening, her eyes wandering about Kan-E’s figure in the flowers. 

“I have not run so fast since I was but a girl,” sighed Kan-E, her eyes closed, “I had forgotten just how exhilarating it all was…”

“This place,” Merlwyb scanned the area around her before she spoke again, “Your ‘hideout’, was it? How long has it been?”

“Ten summers,” Kan-E raised her hands up to the fluttering beams of light between the leaves, “They never could find me here…On days it seemed my world was crumbling around me, I could always run here, unafraid. Unfound.”

“Let us hope no one has found it in the past ten summers, then,” smirked the Admiral, reaching for one of Kan-E’s outstretched hands, threading their fingers together in the quiet, until Merlwyb spoke up again, her tone sincere, full of a love she had yet to experience until just recently:

“…I haven’t the words to thank you.”

“I’ve done little aside from bring you here,” Kan-E fluttered her eyes open, “If it pleases you…I’d like for this to be ours.”

“You realize you’re offering a treasure of yours to a woman you’ve just barely fallen in love with,” Merlwyb raised an eyebrow, “What do you suppose I’d do if we became enemies?” 

“Ever the cynic, I see,” Kan-E replied, but she meant it with no ill will. To her it seemed a valid question, the two being leaders of completely different lands, governed like different worlds entirely. She held tighter to Merlwyb’s hand, slowly propping herself back up.

“You may burn it or destroy it as you wish,” the Padjal replied, “But if that should come to pass, there would be valid cause for it, like as not.”

“You trust me far too much,” Merlwyb’s expression darkened, letting go of her companion’s hand and reaching instead for her pale cheeks, glowing with the sunset. 

“In all my time here,” Kan-E spoke, her face even brighter by the warmth of Merlwyb’s touch, “I had always wished to share this place with a person most dear to me. But I dared not tell my siblings, nor the other Seedseers…for if I so much as spoke a word of this place, I feared they, too, would eventually find it, versed in the nooks and crannies of the forest as they were.” 

Cold as her heart may have been, Merlwyb was surprisingly moved by the offer, Kan-E’s countenance warm and welcoming in the face of her cynicism. 

“I don’t believe you understand just yet just how much I…I have never felt this way about anyone before, Merlwyb.” the Padjal averted her gaze, flustered at her own words, “I never understood why it was the women of my age gawped over the valiant deeds of men. For a time…I thought perhaps there was something amiss with me…that all I could ever hold any kind of love for was for my people, and my duty as Elder Seedseer. And so I let it be.”

Merlwyb’s fingers wandered about as she hearkened to Kan-E’s words, playing with loose strands of golden hair, raising up her chin by the end of it all so that her gaze met Merlwyb’s again.

“…You know I do not deserve this, Kan-E,” the Roegadyn furrowed her brow, “Well do I know a woman’s first experience with love is precious. Which is exactly why—”

“I would love no one else,” the Padjal cut her off, her words strong as steel, “I would not have brought you here if I did not think you worthy of it.”

Merlwyb’s eyes widened, still in disbelief that such a simple infatuation from the front lines of Ala Mhigo would blossom into such a deep affection. She would admit, the feeling was more than mutual…but she knew well the risks the two were taking, even by simply hiding away like this. 

Somewhat blinded by passion, Merlwyb ran her hands up to Kan-E’s hair, undoing the clasps on her hairpins, letting brilliant blonde fall free in the dusk. The hairpins fell onto the flowers with petals cushioning the sound, their echoes unheard. The Elder Seedseer did not at all object, and in fact seemed flattered by the gesture. In her younger days, Merlwyb had been romanced by men and women of all kinds, yet this was the first time the words would not come to her…so she instead chose to let the small gestures speak for her. 

Kan-E, prim and proper as she was, rarely ever let her hair down…and in doing so, revealed a vulnerability she chose only to show Merlwyb. In that, even Merlwyb could not help but blush, her heart bursting with pride at the mere sight of her, the words and sweet nothings failing to leave her.

“I used to do the very same thing whenever I came here as a young girl,” Kan-E let out a small chuckle, playing with her free strands of hair, “It was stifling at times…Brother E-Sumi used to give me such a scolding if I let it like this. It was not becoming of a future Elder Seedseer, he said.” 

“They have always kept you trapped, then?” Merlwyb frowned.

Kan-E shook her head, “I would not call it as such, but…I did grow to love my independence once I was free to wander the Twelveswood. Though I have grown used to the formalities of Gridania again, there are times where I long for the freedom of those days before calamity loomed over the realm. If I had found you before all this happened, then perhaps I…”

The Elder Seedseer’s eyes glossed over, thinking of worlds and selfish possibilities not her own…The Admiral was loath to admit that she, too, wondered. But they would not be the same people, she knew. That their paths had even crossed seemed nothing short of luck…and a pinch of impending doom, of course, those years ago. She was still a green leader back then, Kan-E, still new to the burdens the role had to offer. Though she was near certain she could not have fallen for Kan-E in any other world…she wished to comfort the other woman somehow. 

“We’ll live them out here, those hopes of yours,” Merlwyb told her with a sardonic grin, “That is, if you will have this battle-worn, heartless Admiral your people so fearfully speak of.”

The Padjal’s features lit up, her uncontained excitement resulting in her nearly bowling over the Admiral with her embrace, her soft laughter filling Merlwyb with delight.

“There is no one else I would rather have,” murmured Kan-E, the distance between her face and Merlwyb’s gradually decreasing, the two refusing to miss the opportunity to share a kiss with the other.

Kan-E weakly parted with her lover after a few moments of silence, as breathless as she was when they had first arrived in the flowering grove. Merlwyb’s eyes still closed, Kan-E planted a small kiss on the Admiral’s forehead, her fluttering eyes, her cheek, to which the Admiral opened her eyes again, gently wrapping her arms around the Padjal’s petite frame. 

“I believe I’ve yet to formally say it,” Merlwyb thought aloud as Kan-E doted on her with a sort of reverence for her words, “But I’ll have you know I’ve never once doubted it.” 

“Well, you certainly have permission to,” Kan-E smiled playfully, knowing exactly what she meant, “Were you afraid, perhaps?”

Merlwyb lay her head gently on top of Kan-E’s after a soft kiss, careful not to get in the way of her horns. It was certainly some kind of fear…but she doesn’t believe it was of the risks they had taken. Strange as it felt to even think of after all this time…perhaps she was still afraid of some kind of rejection. 

From her past experiences…love wasn’t something that seemed to last very long. There was a chance this one wouldn’t, either. Yet odd as this romance may have been, this was the first time she feared for its safety, wished it would last the rest of her lifetime. 

“Perhaps I was.”

But Merlwyb takes in the scenery, the bits and pieces of Kan-E’s youth, those memories scattered about the flowers, the sanctity of the silence, the last rays of sunlight filtering through the trees before evening fell upon the two of them. 

It was hers, too, now, and so was she.

“…I love you, Kan-E.”


End file.
